History class, throughout the years, has taught me many valuable lessons. First off, past events are recorded by the winners with the Alamo being one of the few exceptions. While I was doing some recreational reading on the Pre-industrial Age it instantly occurred to me how sissy our society has become. Back in the Western time when an argument arose between two scrub-faced cowboys it was settled with a fierce duel. This consisted of two men faced back-to-back, ten paces, and the fastest gun in the West. That’s how debates were settled when men were men and women weren’t allowed to speak yet.

Nowadays, arguments still persist and no conclusions are in sight. I have only one thing to blame for this depreciation of our society; proverbs. When I was growing up the best advice my parents ever gave me was in the form of some stupid saying that sounds good, but provides no real world answers. For example, when someone gets dealt a shitty hand, metaphorically, what is the first saying that comes to mind? When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When I get my girlfriend accidentally pregnant the last thing on my mind is a refreshing drink made from nature’s asshole. If we want our society to stop turning into weak pathetic excuses for the human race we need to amend these proverbs so that some useful advice can be obtained.

When life hands you lemons, you punch life in the f*cking face and bang his girlfriend. Then, if you want, make the god damn lemonade. I don’t care.

It sounds harsh, but wouldn’t you rather receive useful advice instead of some sissy saying? I would.