Black Friend Needed

8:21 pm Motney

Here at Laughing Near You, we are constantly striving to improve on our race relations, and hope to set a model for the rest of the world to follow.

As such, we have created an open application for you to become our personal black bodyguardfriend. Please submit all applications by Next Friday. Anything received by The Friday After Next will not be reviewed.

The best black friend ever. Ever.
God was the best black friend ever. Ever.

1. What is a cracker?

      a. A delicious treat sometimes complimented with ham and/or cheese.

      b. Depends on the context.

      c. Motney

2. Identify this celebrity:
   Puffy turtlenecks are in vogue.

      a. Clay Aiken

      b. Ruben Studdard’s prison bitch.

      c. Motney

3. If the sink in my apartment overflowed while you and I were chillin’ you would ________.

      a. Help me clean up.

      b. Sit there and laugh.

      c. Say, “Clean that shit up. What you looking at me for, bitch?”

4. Spell ’soldier.’

      a. …soldier

      b. No

      c. Soulja

5. Finish this lyric: “Colt 45 and two ___ ___.

      a. I don’t listen to gangster rap

      b. Zig zags

      c. Zig zags

6. Finish this lyric: “The freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they’re perfectly _____.

      a. aligned

      b. …

      c. Fuck you for making me read that shit.

7. How many people can you fit in your shirt?

      a. One

      b. Three

      c. This is a tee, son.

8. Is this the most biased quiz you’ve ever taken?

      a. Not really

      b. Hell yes

      c. This is the only quiz I’ve ever taken.

You’re Finished! Give yourself 0 points for every “a” answer, one point for every “b” answer, and 2 points for every “c” answer.

0-4 You are white.

5-8 Perfect! I will e-mail you to let you know when you can move in.

8-16 Woah there 50 cent! I have a strict no firearms policy. I’m afraid of you…period.

8 Responses

  1. Leroy Says:


    Will section 8 be an alrite contributation?

  2. jessi Says:

    I dont know you but I know John and I want to say I think this entry is funnier then his….

  3. SB Says:

    you guys are gay faces ..

    Oh yeah totally don’t go to this website

    true gay faces go there

  4. Joel Lindemeier Says:

    10 well i guess i am a bit intimidating

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