Hello again!

Scotty 3 Comments

Wow. Sorry guys for the long delay between posts! Seems I had a run in with my previous master (http://laughingnearyou.com/?p=5). He read a few of my posts and came looking for me. Apparently this website is WAY more popular than I thought. Anyways…

What’s up with people trying to give Christmas presents at work? I walked in to work yesterday and was asked what I wanted for Christmas by fellow employees. Now this may be seen as a nice gesture on their part. But I look at it as more work for me! Not only do I now have to pretend to care what they want, I have to go down to my local Walmart and buy all of these wonderful gifts (http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5498431). I liked things much better when it was between just me and Santa.

P.S. Santa - I’m still waiting for my Mary-Kate and Ashley hair straightener!

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Scotty 4 Comments


Wait a second

Scotty 5 Comments

As I sit in my room further procrastinating my project due tomorrow, I ponder the question every one of us struggles with every day of our lives. Why don’t fat people have to pay more for clothes? This is clearly one of the largest problems our society is facing, and there are a couple ways to solve it:

1) Make normal people’s clothes cheaper. 

2) Make fat people’s clothes more expensive. (I’d vote for this one) 

Let’s dive a little deeper into this dilemma:

Example (Leather Jacket)

  Cows died to make jacket - 1

Now, we all know who this musical mastermind is. One day, J.T. walked into his local Walmart to explore their wonderful selection of leather jackets. He was suprised to find out that leather jackets were now cheaper for normal everyday people like him. He then gladly purchased his new (less expensive) leather jacket. With the extra money, he is able to continue supplying the world with chart-topping hits like “Cry Me A River” and “Sexy Back.” As you can see, he even had enough extra money to hire a new black friend right here from Laughing Near You.

  Cows died to make jacket - 3 1/2

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! This guy got a little too worked up when he found out that his favorite clothes were going to cost him 8 times more than normal due to his increased size. Talk about incentive! If this man ever wants the feel of processed cow skin rubbing against his body again, he’s either got to shell out the money or lose the weight. Unlike J.T., his jacket cost the lives of 2 and a half more cows (the other half is Charlie Weis). Sounds like PETA is going to have a field day with this one.

I’ll get to work on submitting this problem to Congress. With enough luck, and a two-thirds vote, we will have this injustice fixed in no time.

Scottsdale and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Scotty 14 Comments

Before I can start sharing funny stuffs with everyone out there, I feel its my duty to all my fans (Hi Mom) to tell a little bit about me. First off, I was born and raised in southeast Minneapolis, where I worked as an apprentice for a blacksmith for the first 7 years of my life. After my 22 hour work days, I was locked up and fed crumbs from the bottom of a bag of Bugles. One night during a harsh blizzard I was able to escape the opression of my master via the underground railroad, which to my dissapointment wasn’t a railroad at all. Througout my travels, I gathered enough money by various means (mostly prostitution) to afford a brand new laptop.  Which brings us to right now, where I am currently using McDonald’s free wi-fi to type this to all my fans (lol Hi Mom).

Well now that I got that out of the way and you all pretty much know exactly who I am, I can get to the important stuff. I will post movies and posts and ideas and stories and maybe pictures. Now back to watching Legally Blonde…